This year I chose to be alone at the strike of midnight. Not because I wanted to be dramatic or because I was depressed or because I was pouting but because I wanted to.
We have all made mistakes. We have all made decisions that have hurt others or even ourselves. We have all been affected by others' decisions and been hurt by them. I'm not going to go on some sad sob story about this year being terrible, because frankly everyone has already been doing that all over the internet and this year wasn't that bad.
I lost my grandpa on Christmas Day this year. I lost some of my closest friends. I quit a job I really loved. I broke a heart. I lost 20 lbs. I made friends who value me. I found a job where I can make a difference and bring a smile to someone's day. My beautiful god son was born. I found a heart. I was blessed with a beautiful keyboard. We adopted my bestest furry friend. Good things happen. Bad things happen. But I never lost who I am, simply discovered more and more petals to my heart. Through it all, I know only one thing really matters.
So at 11:53 pm on December 31, 2016 I chose to sit in my boyfriend's apartment with the lights out and the cool breeze from the open window next to me float over me while I sang In Christ Alone over and over until I heard the pops of fireworks from beyond the balcony over the mountains.
In those moments I decided that I didn't want to be with anyone on New Year's except my Lord and Savior. I know I've screwed up this year and I know I have lost a lot this year. But in that moment I declared in my heart that I knew I would never lose my God.
"I was literally walking into this new year praising my king, and that is how I want the rest of my life to be. "
As I walked down the steps of my boyfriend's apartment complex into the new year and brisk air I could see smoke plumes and bright explosions rising over the houses and the city behind. I could hear shouting from every direction as I walked to my car in the abandoned parking lot singing "The God of angel armies is always by my side." I was literally walking into this new year praising my king, and that is how I want the rest of my life to be.
Some have considered me foolish when I share with them my beliefs. I believe the best in people. I can see why people act the way they do or how they have been hurt in the past. I have been called naive and stupid for always having hope in people. But if we don't have hope in each other then who will? Wouldn't you rather believe in something than nothing at all? I am not a naive little girl. I know bad things are going to happen. I know people will break my trust in them, and crush all hope I had in them, but everyone deserves to have someone believe in them and I will because that's what I would want others to do for me. I am full aware of the consequences of love and I will choose it over hate any day.
"I am full aware of the consequences of love and I will choose it over hate every day for the rest of my life. "
So as we go into 2017, I want to sound like a devotional article that you read on those feel good pages, don't change. I know new years are all about resolutions and making yourself better or feel better or look better. But don't. Remember who you are at the core. I know we often get in these phases where we want to be the best we can be, but does this desire really benefit you or simply make you anxious to be something you are not. Does it really just start a drive in you that is constantly nagging at your heart never letting you feel satisfied with who you are? I know who I am. Yes there are little things that I can change like being more patient or forgiving or kind, but I am never going to relinquish my morals all in an attempt to fit the title of better. This year it is my goal to remind myself daily that I, Bethany Harrington, am good enough; that it is okay to be who you are at the core. Don't ever be ashamed of it.
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